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“I am satisfied that defective vision and blindness will pretty soon be a prominent characteristic among the American people … I make this assertion without having seen any statistics whatever on the subject of blindness. I found out long ago that a cup of coffee leaves a night-shade on the brain which continues longer than an eclipse of the sun. For some time past I have been consulting with different persons in Council Bluffs, who are suffering with failing sight, and in each instance I ascertained that the unfortunate person was and is a regular coffee-drinker.”

—From J. M. Holaday’s rhetorically marvelous yet scientifically unsound essay Coffee-Drinking and Blindness” (1888), which argues that drinking too much coffee will make you go blind. For more on Dan Piepenbring’s take on it, click here.